he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
