I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize