The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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