shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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