remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
