You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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