He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
