We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
