Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
