i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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