My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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