I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
