I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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