Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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