Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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