i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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