We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
