it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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