those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
