Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
