he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
