She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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