he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
