And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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