i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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