bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
