Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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