this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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