I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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