and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
