At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
