Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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