hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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