Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
