pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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