remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
