I wish I only lived at night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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