Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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