My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
