My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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