hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
