the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize