yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can't special order awesome
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
