My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
