Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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