So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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