She's JV to your varsity
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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