His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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