I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize