I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
