and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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