we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
