I'm so fucking centered right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
