I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
