it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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