Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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