walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
