the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she told me i tasted like america
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
