So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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