Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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