It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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