it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
