someone threw a dead crab at me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
