Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
