How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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