she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
