Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
