The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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