is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
