thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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