Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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