THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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